Starting off with a bang

2012 started off with a bang -literally - when an 81-year-old man disregarded a stop sign and any intention of yielding and t-boned my poor car as I was traveling through an intersection coming home from work - with a green arrow and thus the right of way, might I add.

The force of impact as he basically gunned it into my passenger side spun me about 180 degrees into oncoming traffic. Magically or miraculously, oncoming traffic completely avoided me. However, I can't say for certain as I don't remember the actual spinning - just the impact and then ending up facing the direction in which I was traveling.

Thankfully, my seatbelt held me in place while everything in my car went left. I'm SO SORE a week later on my chest where the seatbelt lays. It freaks me out, despite a doctor telling me I don't have any fractured ribs. Aside from whiplash and a terribly sore back, I'm alright.

And so many people keep telling me I'm lucky. True, I seem to be in the best of a worst-case scenario. The elderly man and his wife refused medical treatment on scene. My passenger side was struck, not the driver. The car held up like a tank and sustained the most damage between the two of us. It's hard to tell in the photo, but what looks like a reflection in both doors is actually a mold of the man's front end. At least in her last act, she ripped off the man's front end in defiance.

Officially, she's totaled. I knew this from the get go, as soon as I saw the rear axle. I loved that car! It (was) a 2000 Subaru Imprezza L. She was my second car, purchashed in the summer of 2005, fresh out of my first year of college. Truthfully, I loved my first car more, a 1988 Subaru boxy thing. But still, this one totally grew on me.

Initially, I was against having a hatchback. I mean, they so weren't cool to a then-20-year-old girl. I nick-named her the blue baby whale initially out of apathy toward her, which quickly grew endearing. But man, could she haul a ton of stuff to and from college! And when I got into biking - she carried so many bikes to the best trails and locations. I didn't adorn her with nicknacks like my first, which had a starry ceiling - think Something Corporate's "Konstantine." But she was afixed with a "Whiptastic Handling" sticker I found in a magazine I once stuck to my first car (I peeled it off when I picked up her contents in the tow yard last week), had a running theme of lacking a radio volume button cap, and damn good memories. She lived so many Subaru summers.

What bums me out the most about this accident is that I'm affected for doing nothing wrong. Friends have said, "Well, at least you get a new car out of it!" but that's not the point. I don't want a new car. I don't want a brand new or new-old car.  Look. I'm not a wasteful person. I planned to run that car into the ground, adding useless miles traveling such a short distance to work. I feel like she didn't get to live out a full life, if I start to personify her. Regardless of a different car in my soon to be future, I'm going to have to shell out some money I wasn't intending on spending on a new car this year. Not that I don't have any money at all, although I'm not rich by any standards, but I'm comfortable. I don't have any debt, aside from student loans. I don't want a new car payment, or to take a chunk out of my funds for a new-old car. When I want a new car, I'm going to save for it first. I bought that blue baby for $6,000 up front. I don't live out of my means.

Of course, the insurance company isn't giving me full recovery or a fair value of what she would be worth. And the old man's insurance company refused to pay for a rental car up until Friday evening. So there's been a constant fight with both insurance companies. And I've been visiting a chiropractor three times a week to fix the back and shoulder muscles that got jacked-up from the accident. I've complained in person to friends and family (I actually walked into my Mum's house the night of the impact, crawled into her lap still in my coat and work clothes and sobbed like a baby - seriously the kinds of sobs you hear in movies), I've complained on Facebook, I've complained probably every day. I'm just so IRKED by the negative impact I'm experiencing from the literal impact.

But I'm going to stop, tonight. I'm not seriously injured. There will be some kind of car in my possession soon, thanks to amazing family friends. I'm fixing what muscle injuries I have and so far not paying any of my own funds to do so. Mum let me borrow her car this past week when the old man's insurance company was still "determining liability" or, as I say, procrastinating. It's true; I'm lucky.

While scrolling through Pinterest over the weekend, I saw a poster with a floating balloon and the text "Let it go." Its simplicity struck me and the message resonated so deeply within me, jolting me out of this negative funk from which my usually positive self strays. So, this is my balloon. (It's red, if you're wondering). I'm letting it go. 2012 started out with a bang, and I'm going to make sure that continues in a good way. Ironically, I received some good news a few days after the accident which has had me on cloud nine since. (I'll share it soon!) My positivity took a big hit, but I'm not going to be brought down. Here's to the up and up!