Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Beachin' away the blues

Welcome to our Scusset Beach Gun Show!

Last weekend I (second-in from the right) met up with a bunch of lovely ladies from college at the Cape! We spent the day at Scusset Beach in Sandwhich, Mass. Armed with watermelon, adult beverages and other tasty snacks, we soaked up sun rays and caught up on life.

A game of frisbee chest-deep in the ocean turned into a "let's see how far we can swim out to sea' adventure." It felt so. damn. good to swim toward the endless horizon line, feel nothing but water beneath my feet as I treaded water, be carried by the waves while floating on my back. I feel so at home in the sea.
A walk down the jetty, extending deep into the ocean, took us farther out to sea than we could have swum. Swam? We climbed a warning tower and Sean graciously snapped our photos. Clamoring about the rocks, we struck many a strong-arm pose and cut our feet on barnacles. Anything for a photo, right?
I took so many deep breathes of the sea breeze. I know what I need to center myself sometimes and it's the sea. I carry so many worries in a wreath around my shoulders these days with Mum's May stay in the hospital, radiation treatment, pelvic fracture, impaired walking and ongoing chemo. I'm not a feeling-share-er. I tuck away my worries and compartmentalize them, put them out of my mind. But they only stay away for so long when there seems to be one thing after another. Blood transfusion, subsequent reaction to white cells, a mysterious virus, an ever-present fever.

My mum is the strongest, most resilient woman I know and I'm trying to be like her.  "One day at a time," she says. I don't know she does it. I just go numb. And maybe that's like taking it one day at a time. I learn of something unfortunate, face it, accept it's happening and go numb. Move forward.

There are moments I will grant myself when I completely let go. But for the most part, those times are few and far between. Mum has such a positive outlook and I know I've inherited that from her. I just have to remind myself to stay positive.
So I escape to the sea to recharge. The push and pull of the tide just resets my internal Circadian Rhythm and I'm renewed. It's so strange but I feel it. There's something with that ebb and flow. It doesn't have to be summer, or even during the day. Bring me to the sea any season and I feel better.

But boy does it help to have a crew of wonderful, beautiful ladies - inside and out - and your boyfriend to help you beach those blues away.  :]

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